Britney Spears was hanging out with her new friend, Paris Hilton, and trying to pick up fashion pointers. Paris always seemed to know just the right thing to wear to impress everyone, from head to toe.
Well, except maybe the toe part. They woke up at 2 P.M. and headed out for brunch. When the limo pulled up to the exclusive restaurant, Paris took off one shoe and replaced it with a heavy looking shoe with a sole made of intricately-carved wood and the rest made of highly filigreed silk.
"You're going to wear that to the restaurant?" Britney said.
"Silly, you don't know a thing about fashion. Watch and learn."
They went to the restaurant, and although no one said anything, Britney could tell that people were snickering about Paris's footwear.
After their leisurely brunch was over and they returned to the limo, Paris immediately took off the strange shoe, much to Britney's relief.
The shoe incident was much forgotten for the rest of the day until, hopping from club to club, Paris said, "Oh! I almost forgot!" She reached into her handbag and again traded one of her heels for the ornate-but-awkward shoe she'd sported at brunch.
"Are you sure you want to wear that to the V.I.P. lounge? I mean...." Britney trailed off, and didn't really know what to say.
"Of course! Don't question my judgment again. I know what I'm doing."
They went to the club. After some brandy and cocaine, they were feeling pretty good. Paris said to Britney, "Watch this: when the guys see that I'm not wearing panties, they're going to cream their Versace jeans!" She got up onto a table and started gyrating to the music. The effect produced was quite the opposite of what she'd expected, though, as all the men in the lounge started laughing.
"What the heck is that?!?"
"...In a museum maybe, but who would wear them?"
"She's taken tacky to new depths!"
To make matters worse, the heavy shoe caused her to lose her balance, and she came tumbling down to the floor amidst glasses of red wine and snifters of Courvoisier.
Britney was by her friend's side in a moment, helping her up and dabbing some of the brandy off of her dress with a cocktail napkin. "Oh, Paris, I'm so sorry. But I tried to tell you that shoe was a bad idea."
"I know," cried Paris. "It's so hideous and uncomfortable!"
"I don't understand. If you didn't like it, then why did you wear it?"
Paris sniffled. "Daddy told me, 'Even a baroque clog is right twice a day.'"
22-Dec-2006. Complaints, groans, and death threats to chris@osric.com