::: the novel written in seven hours :::
This Is The End, My Friend
Chloe couldn't believe what she was reading. She had expected to just pick up the paper and have a relaxing breakfast, but now she and everyone else in Ann Arbor was scurrying to the diag as fast as they could.
All around the world, every form of media and news source was being manipulated by the new messiah, Eric. He was informing the people of the world that he had an important announcement to make at 11:00a.m.
U of M diag, 11:00a.m.:
Eric speaks as a live crowd of over 100,000 and a pretty big T.V. and radio audience watch and listen:
"People of the world, I am the new, for lack of a better word , messiah. I am god in human form. I am like you in all ways, except I am with out sin, and if you're wondering, no, masturbation isn't a sin. Since I am like you in all ways, I am a huge slacker. So instead of saving you all and the world in general, I'm just going to kill you all at noon. You need to be punished and that's the easiest thing I can think of. And if you think I'm killing you because it's easier than solving all the world's problems, you're right...but remember, I'm just lazy because I am like you in all ways remember? Isn't it ironic don't, you think? And yes that reference to an Alanis Morisset song is part of your punishment. You might be wondering how this has all come about. Well, it all started last night when I tried to help my friend Allen with his woman problems. I tried to get them to work it out, but they just ended up yelling at each other and wishing each other dead. And that's when it hit me, why should I even try? I should just end it all right now. I mean, look at yourselves! You're a bunch of losers! Like you for example (pointing to Kenny). All you can think about all day long is smashing peoples heads open with a baseball bat. And you Chloe, are the most condescending piece of self-rightous, psuedo-intellectual work I have ever omnipotently observed! And I could go on like this for days about each and everyone of you. But to cut to the chase, I'm just going to kill you all because your such a pathetic bunch...and because I'm really lazy."
A great darkness then fell upon the world and all perished under it, but not before Nelson from television's "The Simpsons" let out a resounding and most appropriate HA-ha!
...on to Chapter Sixteen...
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